Let it go!

So this man got Me thinking or rather  he reminded me of a conversation  that we had last night before we started our zumba class! We had asked Jose how he go on in London and he was saying how unfriendly people were like they were pod peopl with their innocuous staes that sometimes he would stare at them just to get s reaction! Ha ha very funny, he himself always looked away if they stared back! It's the old thing of the unfriendly large city! So back to this man, it's my opinion that the long upright  poles on the tube are there for the benefit of many rather than one person but quite often il get on a tube and someone would have  wrapped their whole body round it! Yes really even in times of heavy usage! I think people need to be more aware of themselves when they are in public places!  Yes the advent of modern technology and social media means that even in public it's easy to remain in their own little world and this is also true of those who don't participate! Does this though exclude us from basic manners? When we do our cool down we do it to the song ' human nature- by Michael Jackson ' and there's a line in there that says reach out and touch a stranger and each week Jose will say "not if you are in London"  I always find that really funny! 

I will not be told! Its up to me after all!

So ladies, gents all of you who have a relationship with your work colleagues!! So we as in my colleagues and I are going out in Friday after work and today the organiser announces that firstly I have to dress up? Why I ask? What's wrong with how I normally dress on a Friday? Well you have to dress  up to the place she says and in fact you have to dress up in 1930's style! Well I'm not doing that i bellowed, I mean I already dress rather nicely and I'm not willing to come to work dressed like that besides I don't actually have anything, her response? Wear some pearls! Hmm if only it were that simple then my other colleague waded in with his size 9 boots- look he goes some people can't dress up- very funny what's he trying to say that I dress like a tramp?! Anyhow does this make me a part pooper? I don't quite understand the need to conform at this level of society- I have enough of that in my personal background in particularly in light of how we like to be uniform at weddings and other milestone events! So a Friday night work outing is off limits in its attempt to dictate how I dress or behave! 

8 Days in September: part 2 - what I think I know!

So anyone who knows me  knows I wax lyrical about zumba, about Tae Kwon Do all the time, but going out training with my husband ( or the colonel as I have recently started referring to him) that was a completely different ball game. However what the two weeks has taught me about myself is quite interesting, so I have different responses to the three trainer men in my life.

They are all so different from each other, and encourage in very particular ways. 

So Lieutenant Colonel Akiti:  Army Man! (my man)

He pulls no punches, definitely favours the carrot and stick, although if you were to ask me I'd say he favours the stick more than the carrot, ha ha 

It has me trying very hard, but it was a bit frustrating when it felt like my efforts were going unrewarded, and it was hard, and as hard as it was I still want to do more, on a regular basis, I found that I had to ask a lot of questions, about the whys and the wherefores. I would do it all over again, in a flash except I would want my creature comforts, so I would always prefer the fancy Wardown park or a gym  over leagrave common. Having said that this is the love of my life training me here, so maybe there was a bit of hardness there just to be kind, because whether or not he noticed there is something to be said for training with your partner, but inherently you have to want to do it. In the end, you had to work out the the value of the stick vs the value of the carrot in relation to your over all objective. I have been left with a lot of 'homework' to do on this trip, and I have to be honest I am struggling without the army supervision. What does that say about me? The desire to achieve is there, the subject matter is just not the best and if I live to be a 100 I will not like running. Clearly I am able to do this type of exercise when its sugar coated! After all, Mary Poppins was not wrong when she said " a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"!

Tae Kwon Do Instructor: Miles- The impressively surreptitious one:

Tae Kwon Do is a really cool Martial art and I have been striving for my black belt for far too long now, one  of the things I learnt from the colonel was that I am slightly unbalanced and he reckons that it could have had an impact on my grading. Anyhow I digress for the moment. Now I would tell you that I am not easily tricked, yes? So get this, the three times I went to tae kwon in these two weeks we did line work and patterns, (now for those of you who don't know in TKD, patterns are a set of attack and defence movements as if against an imaginary opponent. ) on one occasion we did the patterns under so many different kind of conditions, do it again, faster, more power, no power, forget about your stances, sometimes it was funny, but your heart was beating so fast you could not laugh, because you were getting a blooming good work out and while you may have expected it, it crept up on you! What is the driving force here?  How come I can do this without complaint ( although I hate jogging around the Dojan) and positively look forward to it?  The answer probably lies within the subject matter, I want to get a black belt and become a First Dan, I want to be good at it. One is not particularly aware that one is working out so the inspiration from your instructor is all quite effective and quite simply I enjoy it 

Zumba Instructor: Jose- the loving one!

He showers us all with love and acutely infectious enthusiasm. When I first started going to this class, I used to describe it as nursery school for adults.  There is so much energy and enthusiasm  couple  that with a party atmosphere  and boom boom shake the room is what you get.  His classes are so full of fun and giggles you are enjoying yourself so much that you dont even know that you working out. Jose is like the wonderful host of the party, he pays us all loads of attention, keeps the routines very interesting, and we always leave with a party pack- sweaty clothes and achy muscles.  The drive to go to zumba is a no brainer, when I am there I am truly happy. Even if i have had a shitty day, or have a headache, these are despatched immediately I am at zumba with Jose and all the other zumba party peeps. I am always on a countdown to the next class. 

The final Verdict

So the final verdict is that I am not disciplined enough to follow through on my own. I need a great motivator and as you can see I am lucky enough to be able to respond different types of motivation! 

It's also clear that I need to do more, in the sense it needs to be spread all across the week.  Right now,  if I'm lucky I get tae kwan  doh on a thurs but mostly my workout week stops on a weds evening ( with a bang of course as that's zumba with Jose) and I think my  body reacts to this pattern, in that it stores stuff like fat ( ha)  ready for the onslaught of the Monday to Wednesday routine, now I have not scientifically examined this idea but I'm convinced there is some truth in my theory! So a change is brewing for my weekends going forward!  

I could also talk about my attitude towards food but that is another blog entry. 

8 days in September: my fitness challenge

Day1 So today was the day, but somehow the  weather took us by surprise and we ended up indoors the plank, leg ups stepping up on the stairs the latter being a bit of a challenge. 

Day 2  Eat Your Carrots!

Today we went out to the park, and it was tense at the beginning, petty things irritating us - raised voices - all  before we left the house!!

What about the walk to the park? hurry up he says, you are taking too long, why are you frowning?!

Anyway we stretched!

we jogged - it's time to declare - I don't care what the experts say in fact I don't even care what my husband says - I hate running, it is the most vile exercise ever!. Any- way it turns out that I drag, so I can run a bit, but i drag because my body leans backwards like Michael Johnson, and well I'm no athlete. So that was the diagnosis. Also apparently my fear of falling is irrational, but if I can feel that I am going to fall how can this be irrational? !

Its amazing what you'll notice too when you are looking down on a stretch of ugly grass, I am sure that I caught sight of some tiny insects furrowing around emitting some sort of light! 

The conversation was me " I don't like leg ups"  The colonel " nobody likes them, they're good for you" well knock me, sent me reeling back to my childhood when grown ups told you to eat your carrots they're good for you, you will see in the dark. I mean really??

Day 3 Weds - I had a dream!

Well officially this is a rest day, - so no suicide rungs , no press ups oh oopsy have not been doing any of those, but anyway you get my drift, ok dare i say this, I had a dream last night weird and random, that Dennis removed the shower from our bath- room, and when I challenged him about it, he was rather confused and said " but what now, its coming back", its just a temporary move, temporary for what I wondered, the rest of the dream was rather hazy. !

Well in my wisdom (now there's a joke) I've decided that this was some crazy metaphor for the fact today is a rest day. !

Now , I don't know what the outcome of these two weeks will be, but the one thing I have confirmed is that fit people even those trying to help you do not get what is like to not be fit, or unable to exercise properly, there is a complete lack of empathy. I think inherently they think all unfit people may be lazy! So that is why when you know you are trying very hard, they will say you are not trying hard enough.

Day 4!

OK, today Lieutenant wimped out on me, let's go I said at 9:36am fully dressed bar my trainers.- ooh I'm knackered he moaned- imagine that, So at 2:45pm we rocked up at Wardown park.!

what we did:

- ran up the stairs several times!

- leg ups!- this was a hard shift, in the end, he stood behind me and I held onto his legs. Made it much more bearable, but still bloody hard. 

- running up stairs several times, 

-jogging,

-the plank!

Mr Akiti refused to let me use the mate for he plank or leg ups evil, evil I say.!

quote of the day " this is not tae kwan do"! This in reference to how I kicked. 

what I learnt!

- the lack of empathy !

- the evil streak!

- I over think things!

- but I did get a well done - you've improved !

Day 5: I'm beginning to realise my fears are unfounded, and generally hold me back! I'm unbalanced ( explains so much) !

My fear all centres around one thing pain! !

So today I was asked to do frog leaps starting from the squat position now this re- sulted from my inability to sit into a squat without leaning forward! So when I could not do that he asked for the frog jump! Now this is the thing, I got down into the squat position easily but to leap up was a different matter, why because I was cared I'd not get down again without feeling pain! Anyhow we went through it several times, many of them with Dennis telling me to stop thinking and just do it, I was beginning to think he was being sponsored by NIKE I mean the irony of it!

Day 6! No creature comforts!!

So today seemed to be about the plank! ( I sill hate running! ) I got extra for pulling a face and sighing! Right lance corporal is my husband! !

He also had a go at me because thinking we were going to do leg ups I was sad that we did not bring the mat! You don't need the mat he bellowed you don't need those creature comforts!  I have no comeback

Day 7!

This was officially a rest day, oh boy I needed it, however I did go to Zumba an out of the ordinary class for me as ordinarily I would have been at Tkd for me and I went in MK with my friends, had the most amazing time! This fairness thing is taking so much longer than I'd like , although I have seen massive benefits already! Having my friends at TKD did make me a bit on the hyperactive side!

Day 8!

I have to say it, today was amazing so I went out with lieutenant colonel akiti and yes I got punished again... more plank,I  did 4x 30 seconds 1 x 40 seconds, and more running. and leg ups, the surprising thing though was that I was able to do these things, my running does not seem to me to have improved,  I try very hard, but the lieutenant colonel may not see that, if he does he does not show it. !

I'll Try Not to Twist it!

So, not to get it twisted: but some people are just rude!

Well ladies, is it my imagination or do we not have an unwritten rule that says we don't tell other ladies that they have put on weight?! I mean particularly if they are not part of your inner caucus? Yes? Well that is what happened to me today! So this is the context, I'd gone over to the building of my customer for a meeting, it just so happens that the customer also used to be my employer so j know a good few people there! This is how I came to be talking to this lady. The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: hi Diane 

Diane: hello nike how are you? I hear that you went to Nigeria 

Me:uh -no I was home though, for two weeks! 

The chit chat went on inanely like that for a couple of minutes and in between I had mentioned that I was going for the tube, as it was quicker and I did not have the time for the luxury of walking. I'd also been to talk to another colleague. 

Diane: oh look, being over there (as in having moved to Lockheed Martin) suits you,

me: oh thank you.

Diane: well I mean you have put on weight and you should be walking back to your office!  i was actually quite dumbfounded at this stage because the conversation was so random, its not as if sh is a lady I would seek out, and to be honest my inner bitch wanted to say "well excuse me you are no   Naomi Campbell but hey ho, had to let that one go and,  if It  had stopped there then maybe i would not have been so irritated. Diane asked me if they had found the missing Chibok girls and when I said know her response was well the parents must be complicit as if it were her daughter sh would be out there looking for her. I tried to explain the circumstances under which these girls were taken, but in that moment i felt that I was talking to an ignorant lady and that I would be wasting my breath! I did say to her that its very easy for her to say that sat in her Cosy office in the western world of freedom, but when you are living under the veil of Boko Haram or ISIS it is  not quite as straightforward as that! I think what I found offensive about this whole conversation is the randomness of it!

When I mentioned it to a couple of friends, they to were perplexed slightly and we could only conclude ignorance or that she clearly wanted to get a rise out of me! 

Today was hard

So I just thought I would mention that food wise I am still struggling. I feel as if my appetite has increased 10 fold, and quite frankly I seem as if i have a continual desire to eat.  Today is a good example.  So today I woke up at 5:30 am and I was ravenous. I had a cup of tea and a bread roll. I don't  know why I did that,  needless to say,  it did not help and before you could say jack robinson, i was hungry again. by 6 something I was well into a Facebook messenger conversation, about all sorts with my friend and was sat in the kitchen. So my point is, I was supposed to be good today, as I was meeting another friend for coffee/ late lunch, but no not I,  before I went up to my room at about 10 minutes or so past 8 I'd had my healthy extra and 10 sins.  Now we all know that SW is the best eating plan, when you stick to it, you can do amazing things, but for me,  I always cook the food, I mean i had a marathon session this week, all manner of food, and in the end its these strange times that I seem to let myself down. With hindsight what i needed to do by the second cup of tea was to make a cooked breakfast, this i what I know works for me. Anything else sends me off to the snack box within 1 hour.  Now I have been working very hard on my body magic, I have a separate blog entry planned for that as I really upped the anti these two weeks of my leave, and i have photographic evidence of my changing shape and size,  its just not translating on to the scales.  To add insult to injury I had to go to town to buy a present and I won't even mention the famous bakers that i went into and bought something that is off the  scales in sins because once again I was hungry!   all of this was brought about by lack of planning, I mean I did not even plan to wake up at 5:30 I'm on leave remember? However I did and I was ill prepared for my hungry onslaught simply because I had not proper food that i know sustains me to hand. I was not prepared for lunch, and in the end it was as if I am not even following any eating plan.

Exercise and attending class has been my saving grace.  So the correct handling of today, would have been to cook myself a good breakfast at the point of having my second cup of tea around 8something in the morning, Not to eat the roll. Then when I was going to town I could have taken my two hi fi light bars as my healthy extra and a banana. ( mistake no 100 - no bananas or other take away fruit available.)

Then when meeting my friend for lunch not only would i have been on time, I would have made sensible choices, more than what I did. So my real question is why could I not take these actions in the moment?

Happy Birthday Mum - Telephone Conversation!

So today would have been my mum's 72nd birthday. As  it's likely I would be here and she in Nigeria I would have been calling her to wish her a happy birthday! The general pattern is that I'd try in the morning, but alas I probably won't get through, bloody phones I'd lament, then try again later! 

" good afternoon Mummy, how are you?" 

"Fine, omo mi attata, what about you?"

" I called to wish you happy birthday, long life and prosperity"

Mummy always took on the prayer because she was better at it  than I, and I still feel the warmth of her voice!  So in the end it's I who really got the birthday gift!! 

" How is your husband?" Sometimes she would say Daniel instead of Dennis, ha ha - I think I get that from mummy, I'm always transposing names! 

"Is he being a good boy?"  Imagine that, too funny! 

"So what you doing?" 

" The Afars have been, and we did prayers" 

"Did you pray for me?" 

" Of course, for all of you" referring to Toks, Ronke and Yetunde and the grand kids etc

Did you have jollof rice?" Lol there was always all manner of food especially when the Afars are around' people would come and make merry and bring gifts! 

“who came?” 

“ Aunty Joko, Aunty Kemi” 

“ eh eh, but what about Aunty Tinu did she come?” 

“No, she has travelled” 

 In years past, this list would have included Aunty Sola  Aunty Bisi my mum’s younger friends.  The winds of time eh? Amazing.

Of course my brother and sister would have been there at some point with the grand children. 

Inevitably the conversation would turn to when I was coming home! In later years , Mummy always made me laugh because she had started saying that she's not coming to London, there's nothing there and if we want to see her we should come back home or make it worth her while! Lol! Not come hmm ok she did go to South Africa on holiday with my Aunty Kemi, but did she come over here? Oh yes! 

Eventually she would also ask after my friend Ozu and it would be " how is your friend Osu?" (and that is how she pronounced it!)  And I would tell her she is fine, then she'd ask about the weather and would laugh at me if i said i was cold. She would always say you should be used to it by now. I would always reply that I would never get used to it, besides the owners of the land are not used to weather. She tell me about the wedding or birthday party that she had been to, or was going to. If  it were a family wedding, then this would generally involve her calling a caterer, to make some food to assist, she assisted a lot did my mum sometimes at expense to herself.  She was so much more generous than I am, I can only try to emulate her on some level. That would not be a bad thing to do would it?

So I would tell her that I had baked her a cake, a chocolate one, although I don’t think she particularly liked chocolate cake, either way that may be a mute point seeing as she most likely would be in Nigeria and I am here, having said that, mummy has been known to eat things that she does not like, or eat any more, to please someone, for example, the time when my husband, much to the astonishment of the whole household, decided he was making breakfast (scrambled eggs) for us, I mean the helpers were beside themselves, and when i said to Mummy but you don't eat eggs, her response was “ ah as your husband is making them, I will eat them, and so she did” She was like that my mum!  So we would laugh and i would say that even though we were not together i was celebrating her birthday. 

Sometimes we'd talk about politics, she liked President Obama although she never got to see him as president, she was in a coma having suffered a stroke, and  as I watched the inauguration on the tiny TV in the hospital waiting room I remember thinking that hmm, I hope nothing happens to you, mummy was quite convinced hat something would! She'd be happy to know there has been no attempt on his life! 

So Im wondering if mummy would have had Skype by now, then we would Skype and she could say hmm, what are you wearing? I hope your extras are not showing, let me see?  She would be proud to show me herself as she would know that she looked good. 

Probably we'd sign off with her telling me to go to church, although on this occasion seeing as her birthday falls on a Sunday we'd have had that conversation at the top! 

As always mummy would end our conversation praying for me, and that by God's grace we'll speak again soon! 

You know when someone you love departs this earth, you miss them, yes? You miss the good times you shared, and perhaps even the bad times you miss the things they have done for you  but in an odd sense you miss even the bit that you are yet to have? I quite often think of things that oh, if mummy were here… or I would be in a situation and I would think mummy would have been mortified at that, just imagine.  

One of the last proper conversations that I had with mummy, was on the phone actually, and one thing we spoke about was, me giving up my job in the MOJ and come to live in Nigeria. She said to me well your husband is here, ( he was in Nigeria at the time) and what would I do mum? oh you can get a contract. ha Just like that, it was a conversation, which in the end turned out to be just that,  because the Lord came a knocking  and we are now where we are, but i don't know if that was an option I would have explored had she still been here, I will never know.  It does often cross my mind though. 

I am grateful  to have had the mother I had, I am happy when people say I look her. Rest in Peace Mummy, I hope when you look down on us, you are happy with what you see, I hope that you can feel the love we have for you and know how much we miss you. 

The thing is the only person apart from God that will be the biggest champion of your cause is your mother, and when thats gone you can feel a bit lost.