Leading myself Part 2: Wudda, Shudda Cudda

So I went on this personal coaching taster course last weekend at the coaching academy . it was a  fabulous two days. Sometimes you go to these so called tasters and the content is so diminished that it ends up being one long hard sell and idolisation of he person who who created the programme.  This though was different, I will certainly be signing up to this course.  Anyway that is enough advertising for the coaching academy . 

We did this exercise where we had to examine how our beliefs can impact our ability to achieve our desires and goals.  We spoke about how a lot of us make new years resolutions only to end up breaking them, before we can say Jack Robinson.  The thing is this really did rankle with me, not so much the new year’s resolution per Se but the fact that i will make goals or resolve to do something but in the end i disengage and end up out of control. Now the thing that came up was about being told what to do, even when its you telling our good self what to do and we can end up rebelling, I certainly do.  A lot of the time, we will say we should do this and we should do that, this may be a good indication that in actuality that we do not really want to do these things,  but for some reason, we feel we ought to, mind chatter its called i.e voices inside us, that put us down, say we should do this etc normally in the form of guilt, obligation, tradition, culture etc One thing is for certain, should does not motivate and is more likely to lead to procrastination.

One of my ongoing personal goals is to lose weight. Now, i have the tools and I have the means, so why am i not succeeding at it.  Steven R Covey states 'Begin with the end in mind’ ie. have a plan of action in order to achieve your goal, everything in that plan must be towards the end game. 

I have come to realise,  i have not set proper goals around my weight loss. Why do I want to lose weight? it is the why after all that will provide the motivation.  Yes? In actuality the weight loss is part of a wider goal, to be the best i can, that involves being fit, free from knee pain, obtaining my black belt and helping others to say the least. Looking after our weight ( illness aside) is something we should be able to control. Covey also states we should understand our circle of influence, i understand this, this is why i get mad when I am out of control. 

When I was an active member of slimming world, Id be so happy when I lost weight, then I’d tell myself- oh you see if you had done this, or done that you would have lost more, and then i would resolve to do those things next time,  when next time came it would be “oh well, I would have done it but this happened, never mind next time’ While its good not to beat yourself up when things do no go according to plan, it does not detract from the fact that shudda cudda wudda does not get you the results you want. They in fact as I alluded to earlier amount to procrastination at best, or worst you just don’t do it 

My favourite quote states: if you keep on doing what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got. I know i have to change, if i am to lead myself out of this behaviour i need to understand what i want. Currently I am steering myself on a path to no particular place. Anyone can do that, I want to excel,  I want to lead myself to be the best and in terms of leadership John C Maxwell’s irrefutable law no 4, is the law of navigation. It states: ‘anyone can steer a ship, but it takes a leader to chart the course ‘ so I have to step up yes? 

Leading myself

So i have been participating in a  leadership course. It has really got me thinking, about myself and how i behave, in particular towards things that want, weightless in particular, but even in other things, clearly i am not leading myself to where I want to be.   This course is based on a book written by John C Maxwell called the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership.  Law no 3 is called the law of process - Leadership builds daily not in a day.  i had to think about it, but i figured that it was the old adage Rome was not built in a day.  So you are not likely to be an over night sensation, you have to put the work in, you have to be prepared to learn and grow. So in this moment my best exemplification of this law would be the Williams Sisters. Their meteoric rise to glory is very well documented, but one thing that stands out ( and there are many) is that when they started out their coach father made them chuck tennis racquets over and over again, with a particular action, i believe with the aim of making them to be able to serve more powerfully. Imagine that as a 12 year old, when at best you just want to play tennis or go out with girlfriends to the mall. oh yes i forgot they probably did not have any.  So why should i expect that i will walk into slimming world, get my books, tools and go back the following week and i have lost all the weight i have desired??? OK i don’t really expect that but  i wanted to make a point.  Hands up if you want to reach the pinnacle of your chosen career as Serena and Venus have done?

If you are wondering how i can relate this law of process to my weightless journey, go back to my older posts, and you will see that i have an epic battle going on with discipline. i have a whole series dedicated to my personal war against indiscipline.   In this law of process  you have different phases , ( five to be precise), and I feel that for the length of time i have been going to SW and coupled with the amount of exercising I do, i should be at the phase  where I simply go because of what i know, that is stage 5 i.e. successful and good at it, but i feel that my indiscipline has kept me at phase 3 - I know what i don’t know- as in i don’t seem to be able to control myself, i constantly misbehave, make poor choices while i am out and about so i do not develop and grow.

As I  have no  intention of quitting, then clearly i must change my ways, if I want to develop and take my weight loss to the next level. This law also states the difference between an event and a process.  An event will inspire you to move forward, whereas a process will enable you to improve and learn.  So the application here, would be the event is i am inspired by is going to Mauritius at the end of October of course i want to lose weight to look good on the trip, but i would also want to keep this off, and this means that i need to engage in a process so that i can grow. 

That process in this case would be to follow the process designed by SW ( that’s my choice) but there are others out there that will also assist you in achieving your goals. Once i have created some success here, i would consider that I am leading myself t

Gratitude Challenge

Last year on Social Media, there were these challenges going around, somehow or the other I was nominated for at least two similar ones. They were nice ones actually reflective, made me think about certain aspects of my life.  It came up as part of my memories on Facebook, and as I read it again, i realised how I feel pretty much the same way still or in fact even more so. I thought I would share it, here. The challenge was to come up with something everyday that I am grateful for.  These below are mine:

1. The amazing Gift that our Lord Jesus Christ bestowed on me by giving his life so that I can be saved.  What greater gift can there be, its one that I keep receiving in the holy sacrament along with  all other benefits on many occasions. 
2. My family. I am so grateful to have been born where and when I was,  yes those of you who know me, know that I often jest that I was born in the wrong place as I was supposed to be a lady that lunches, and does charitable work  and Zumba / TKD rather than going to work ha ha but I have to say I was born to the most wonderful parents,  My mum was the most beautiful woman to have graced this earth and as I always say the biggest champion of my cause. I have the best siblings in the world ( and the worst ha .. ) but the best I would stake my life for them. , my husband,  I have cousins, nieces, nephews, god children and there is more, my extended family  goes above and beyond, I am so lucky to have  parents, step parents, in laws  and to have been ‘adopted’ into each part of the resulting families.  I must not forget my friends, I have amazing friends old and new.  You  Know me,  I don’t do things by halves, I’m an  all or nothing, person so if I count you as my friend that’s it that love is there, you are now part of my family for ever so  God help you..
3. My health what can I say: Where there is health, there is wealth! I complain a lot about my weight, my big belly, my efforts to reduce both ( ha ..enough said, you can read my older  blog posts if you want to know more), but seriously am grateful that  aside from weight related creeks and aches, I am a well woman, you only have to open any news channel, read any paper, read any news site, indeed just talk to  your friends there is always someone somewhere suffering from something, some one living with one condition or the other. So I thank  God, for without Him, he alone knows!
4. OK, family related, but separate: My sister friends.  I have the best sister friends ever, yes They are the extra siblings gifted to me from God. I truly believe friendship is a gift from God, that should be nurtured and treasured always. They have been there, through thick and thin, through the lean times and the good, they have followed me wherever, they have comforted me in sad times, they have rejoiced with me in happy times.  lifted me up, corrected me when I’m wrong and sometimes been inexplicably mad with me.. ( i say that). Its a privilege to have this much love in your life and I am grateful. 
5. For a privileged life: this life afforded me a fantastic education, which really just opened my penchant for learning, for new experiences and thus to keep an open mind.  to be able to appreciate that I have more than I need, yes i’ve said it and No Im not giving away my iPad but you get my drift. I continue to feel privileged,  as I meet new people have new experiences and am able to do the things that make me happy. I could go on, but you understand me.
6. For being a people person first: for my ability to talk to anyone, anywhere. It has made for a diverse mix of friends, mates and the like! Makes many  of my days lighter, makes for wonderful times at Zumba and TKD, and not to mention the many a social gatherings. Also my ability to see the human side of most stories.
7. Social Media and gadgets: yes the big conversation helped by technology enough said. 

This is what I'm saying!

'Discipline is the ability to delay gratification!" - Brian Tracey

This is what I'm saying

If I do not bake I'll eat no cake

If I do not eat bread I'll still be fed

And surely the cheese should be for the camera rather than on my pasta!

If I passed the shop on my beat surely no chocolates I'd eat! And did I really need 3 shredded wheat?!

When I'm in a fix there is no need for bickies in the mix

For  surely I'll whine when I've  drank all the wine and my trousers no longer feel fine! 

Candy crush should have been virtual rather than really piled 2ft tall!

So this is what I'm saying there is no room for playing

If only I'd look in that thing they gave me called a book, for inside there is a special world of feasts that should make slimming feel like a treat 

So now I say there must be a line under which I  must realign - even though I might not get to class I don't want it to end in a farce! 

WAI: bad habits and distractions!!!

So we all have a bad habit or two,  and  they are usually harmless, but sometimes they can be big detractors from our goals or end game. I went to SW last week and to my most pleasant surprise I lost 2&1/2 pounds when i really thought i would maintain, and that got me thinking, if i had not done this and i had not done that, that 2& 1/2 pounds could have been 4! Greedy yes? My  point is why continue to maintain detractors, that will make you sad and fed up in the long run.  So I have had a long hard  look at myself and my habits, and these are my top 5!

1. I suddenly get hungry when i see cake - no word of a lie, but yesterday for the first time i managed to beat it. So this is the scene.. come back to my desk after lunch and a young lady had brought cake for the team to say thanks, anyhow i was fine to begin with, as i had just eaten yes? however the cake being there, everyone coming to take a piece etc was really getting to my psyche, all of a sudden about 2 hours later, i was hungry. Too funny, i mean its not as if i did not have a substantial lunch, i continued to ignore it, as i believed i should not be hungry, but the longer it went on the more physical the hunger was getting.  Luckily I won this battle on this occasion because I had soup in the fridge, so i told myself as i was hungry I was better off having the soup and did so. Battle over. I think we can safely say this was more of a psychological battle rather than physical. its big issue for me, because often i end up eating stuff because i do not want to offend. 
2. I don’t count my syns properly. Its not intentional, I just don’t seem to do it I start off with all the good intentions, but then i start telling myself stuff, like oh well its only a little, or its only about 3 syns, when all i have to do is reach for my phone that is always with me, yes. or in my bag for the book, but no Nike knows best. Well here is a note to yourself Nike you don’t know best, Slimming World has paid lots of nutritionist and other scientists to work this all out. 
3. I do not measure my healthy extras.  My A is always milk because I drink a good bit tea and coffee during the day. And there in lies the issue with the  A box,  I hardly ever have to make my own tea or coffee, because other people are always doing the tea round. (don’t call me lazy) These amenities are provided free for us at work. its all an excuse and a habit that needs changing, assistance on that one is surely needed.  As for my b box? What can I say? its up and down like a yo yo, sometimes its the hi fi bar, but that does not do anything for me, as they are like a snack and the porridge * 35 g of it is really not enough. i had worked out that 5 tbsp was 35g, ( i measured it and counted the no of tbsp)  but yep you guessed it, not enough, i could go on and on, we know that different types of heathy extra Bs are abound on SW, but i just can’t seem find satisfaction. hmm, really i can’t use soup as a distraction for everything. Anyhow its a bad habit in serious need of fixing. 
4. I stay up late, and i know that staying up late makes me hungry, but there are not enough hours in the day. I mean, i have to go to Zumba, to Tae kwan do, to SW and worst of all i have to go to work, i have to watch Criminal minds, i have to watch the football, i have to do all manner of things, yes, so how do I strike that balance. I have to be honest here, i do not always give in to the hunger pangs at night, but invariably this means when i get up in the morning to go to work, I am usually ravenous, and the whole vicious circle starts again.
5. I don’t make sensible choices when i am out ( well not very often) this one I think is self explanatory and downright foolish. Don’t even know what to say so I won’t say anything except its yet another bad habit that needs curtailing. 

So I ask myself again, what is my end game? What am I willing to do to achieve them?

Answers on a post card please.

WAI: What is your end game? Explain yourself!

“We pay a price for everything we get or take in this world; and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won, but exact their dues of work and self denial, anxiety and discouragement.”

― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

So, who has been watching Scandal? The central character Olivia Pope is a fixer, I suppose what we here in the UK may lightly refer to as  a spin doctor!  One of the questions she always asks her clients is" what is your end game?" as in what do you want?  Bearing in mind that a terrible situation has just blown up and we are talking about fixing that and/ or damage limitation- these clients do pay a price and not just monetary either, in fact mostly it's hardly ever monetary. 

At the back end of last year, I recall talking to Cathy about my struggles, with the plan and she advised that perhaps I should think about setting a  smaller target,and it did get me  thinking because to be honest my behaviour towards achieving my target ( at least in terms of my eating ) has become rather erratic to say the least and whilst my Wright may have stayed rather static, I have lost several inches and I continue to receive plaudits regarding weight loss and I am always extremely surprised! Though it is quite obvious to me in my clothes I don't always see it in the mirror!! 

So here is the deal? Not knowing what my endgame is or not acknowledging it earlier has cost me dearly, in my mind I wanted to lose 3 stone! At my best I was 2&1/2 stone lighter and yes being a SW member I have the sticker to prove it! 

So now I have to say that SW is as easy as it is hard, because as with any thing  to do with weight loss  it takes dedication  and sacrifice and following the rules! Its unreasonable of me to expect that something as fabulous as SW that had been designed proven to work in a certain way would work in any other way! So the diet is all about volume as opposed to counting calories, it's about eating food in as near to its natural state as possible easy yes? It's also about limiting the amount of alcohol and chocolate we eat, hard yes? Reasonable definitely! So when we move away from these principles its only natural that weight loss may halt and if we are not exercising we'd probably put on a lot of weight that we may have lost previously ! SW is not a fad diet, it's actually more of a lifestyle change! So it's not really to be had lightly, it needs to be considered seriously and when we join we are given the tools to do  that! 

SW do encourage us to set our targets, they tell us all the benefits of such.

According to LM Montgomery these goals should not be achieved so cheaply - I think he means you have to work at it, it has to mean something to you otherwise it's likely to be lost  to you again! I suppose it's another way of saying come easy go easy! I think I can give testimony to this, as I have had several bouts of SW the first time it was really really easy, no word of a lie!  I lost 3 stones and 10 pounds in 3 months👍! Did it stay off? Of course not, did I appreciate that I had to continue working to maintain what I'd done? And this is the point, the Goals have to mean something to us! If they do we are not likely to just throw it all away now are we? Imagine it was like money?! We are more frugal when we've had to work hard for that money! So why is losing weight any different? Why is that so much harder? Yes there are those who cause no end of difficulty for themselves by always overspending, a using their credit cards etc it's not really that much different when losing weight, cheaply off sometimes equates to cheaply back on? So this brings me back to my original question- what is your end game?? What does this end game mean to you? How far are you willing to go in order to reach your end game! 

The answers to those questions lay in how much desire you have. How badly you want it, what it means to you!!! 

Laid out like this it's quite clear that I need to set my goals, but I need to be smarter about it than I was before!  It's giving me real food for thought! 

I am a real believer in the saying that you get what you pay for, so I need to make my goals meaningful to me, I need to show the desire to achieve these goals! So it's  really, put in the effort and get what you deserve! Don't put the effort & yes dare I say it the sacrifice you get what you deserve!  Straightforward yes?