My Darling Mother

June 21^st 2009

Well, who knew? Looking at this picture; taken when mummy and I went to Paris back in 2003, just the two of us. We had such fun although imagine traipsing around Paris looking for a McDonalds because me that was one of the places mummy wanted to go and believe it oh, in the end she did not like the burger as we all know the way the French love their meat, its not the way us naijas would like it!!!! It is an endearing moment from that trip and one that is with me always, as the actual photo resides on my desk at work where I am every day. Every day I look at it and every day despite it having been s 6 months I cannot believe that my beloved mummy has gone to be in the arms of the lord.

Now I understand comprehensively that you cannot console someone when they lose someone they love not least because I cannot be consoled.. yes the external tears my dry up, but that does not mean anything you have to learn a whole new life. Its such a big adjustment.

Now I only have memories, most of them happy ones and they are the ones that you must hold on to. Not a day goes by when I do not think of something my mum has said or done. I remember many years back, long before I married, we were in the flat at Hawarden Hill and she was about to cook yam. I had it in the freezer already washed and prepared and when I brought it out for her I tried to advise her that she should not put too much water in it ( having learnt the hard way that under these circumstances the yam would very quickly fall apart). You cannot imagine how amused mummy was by this idea, she turned to me full on and speaking in Yoruba whilst laughing and pointing her index finger at she said ‘you! I have been cooking yam since before you were born!” and in that moment ( for me anyway) one of my favourite slogan’s from my mum’s repertoire became etched in my mind. It was even funnier when the yam came out the way I said it would, we had such a good laugh over it.. or the time when mummy wanted to go to the mosque. It was from Lola’s house and when I tried to explain how she would get there out came the slogan again..’ I have been coming to London since before you were born’ All fond memories and honestly it seems as if there hardly anything a mother does not know.

I continuously asked mummy to get another shengai visa so we could go shopping in Calais.. but she always said their ( as in the British Embassy in naija) wahala was too much, asking for this and for that, even though they were very impractical things to be asking for. Anyhow the point being that we never got to make that second trip and it never ever occurred to me that we would not either, besides I had always said I wanted all us, including siblings with their hubbies and kids to go to South Africa in 2010, preferably whilst the footie was on.. making it easier to ditch the boys, and her response was aah, why so long?? And sure enough not long l8r she went with our lovely Aunty kemi.

Not a day goes by as I said that I do not think about her and her ways… I mean when I am in my car as I take the right at the final roundabout, I will recall that whenever mummy was in the cars she would say ‘Niks I thought you were going to go the other way ( being that they drive on the other side of the road in naija)? And I would always laugh and say we are going that way mummy but we have to go the long way round. If we were driving on a road that would clearly be dark at night..she would say to me don’t drive here at night oh, never mind the fact that it may have been the road to my house I would say yes mummy, I have heard.

There a so many things that you remember, people always said I had her mannerisms, but it was confirmed when I turned to a young girl who was trying to tell me how to make tea; that aah.. I have been making tea since before you she was born… enough said…

I truly believe that that here is no scale upon which one can measure how much you miss a loved one and its weird that its not just the person you miss but the feelings they evoke in you . You will be somewhere sometimes and when something happens you will recall that in similar situations they would have prompted you to say ‘ I must phone my mum’ or the fact that she would phone me and ask me if I have started my diet yet or to remind me to go to church..

Or as I alluded to earlier the things you inadvertently find yourself copying.. for example lots of times when mummy rang, she would begin ( after the hailing- you Yoruba peeps get the idea) how is your husband hope he is being a good boy..imagine that and in Yoruba it was even funny and I would say yes mum he is trying. And she would laugh. Lo and behold I would find myself asking my friends if their husband was being a good boy.. completing the sentence by adding as my mother would ask. I could go on, and I now realise that these are the things that shape us, add to our value set or not as the case may be for others.

Mummy loved us all, and many others and she was generous both spiritually and humanly, always giving, always looking out for others, so how churlish was I when I let my irritation show because she gave away a dress that I had bought for her on a trip to Dubai. Why did she do this.. because she had forgotten to buy this person something on a trip to London. Imagine that. And there in lies the point why has the world been deprived of such a lovely lady? I try not to do the comparison thing, but I am only human after all and there are robbers out there, paedophiles even who would steal another’s life without so much as a prick on their conscience. I have faith, I believe in God but every now and again I want to question him.. why is his justice not always obvious? Why do I feel so bereft? Why am I now without the one person who loved me unconditionally? Surely that cannot be right can it? People tell you, take heart , have faith, be strong God would not avhe given you a burden He did not think you could bear, and my faith dictates that I believe that, but like I said I am only human aren’t i?

Mummy was a religious person and she expected all of us to be so, she was a devout Muslim who loved learning her Arabic going to the mosque, praying it was all a part of her, how she was.. having said that she encouraged us in whatever religion we wanted to follow so far as we followed one!

As she was with religion so she was with fashion, a trend setter among her peers! And yes you have guessed it she expected very much the same from us. How many tgimes over the years did we argue about what I wanted to wear either in the house or going out. Its funny , at the time it drove me mad, but funnily enough its one of the things I miss. Whenever I went home to naija, mummy always grumbled about my nighties and dressing gowns or lack there of, so she started making me house dresses from Ankara or other types of cotton she always said I was disgracing her with what I brought trust me this goes back to pre uni days….it was always one of our first ritual whenever I got home.

Of course there was the incessant worrying about us, I could plead with her for England and Naija yet to no avail… the last time I saw her at home, my feet were swollen and she wanted to drag me to the doctor she said my blood pressure could be high, it could be anything.. anyway there was no doctor, but rest assured when I got back home within days mum called have you been to the doctor yet? Amazing.

When Mummy came to England the last time, I was sad and hurt that she did not want to stay in Luton with me. That has been an on going thing since Dennis and I moved to Luton back in 2001 but for some reason this time I felt it more. She did stay with me for over a week and it was so nice, she would greet me in the morning and pray for me as I left for work not forgetting the hug and kisses…who knew that this would be the last i

I used to call her iya yello referring to her fair complexion and she would laugh and say what about me… and I would laugh back and say I was not as yellow as she…

I have faith that in having the nasty stroke mummy had, she is better of in the arms in the lord, but id does not make it any easier or make me miss her any less, I miss her making fun of her, I miss her telling me off I just miss everything about her really words cannot describe this feeling adequately but maybe I said that already.

Its been six months, ( exactly on 21^st June) and when all is said I am lucky to have had a mother into adulthood, when so many did not, to have so many fond memories where others don’t. I thank God for having been loved by the most wonderful mother.

I pray she is resting in peace and that her sole rose in glory.